Why Bother? Cameras, Kombucha, and 3 Paths to Inner Peace

Feeling uncomfortable physical feelings and thinking uncomfortable thoughts?! Sounds like great therapeutic advice! Where do I sign up?!

Avoid the Avoidance

Let’s be clear, we are not advocating for walking around in a constant state of agitation and reliving traumatic events during business meetings and dinner dates. We can and should try to increase the positive experiences and emotions in our life. The idea posited here is to avoid continuously avoiding the negative without noticing it.

There is a time and place to put aside tough internal emotions and get things done. But not for the long-haul.

For example, it is a good idea to hold your breath when you are underwater. But what would it be like if you didn’t start breathing again once you broke the surface?

It is also a great idea to wear a raincoat and hold an umbrella while waiting in the rain. But what if you stayed in that position when the sun came back out?

Being able to fully experience everything that comes your way means experiencing the good and the bad. You can’t have one without the other.

Three Ways to Approach Our Emotions More Fully

1. Compassion & Curiosity

The word “compassion” can evoke icky feelings of insincere hugs and cloyingly sweet incense. We are not touting narcissistic naval-gazing or even deflecting any useful critique because “haterz gonna hate.”

Compassion here means being honest with yourself and feeling what you feel without beating yourself up over it. When an emotion arises, take it as an opportunity to fully experience it.  We are suggesting some openness to whatever goes on inside you, combined with a newfound understanding of the background which creates this experience.

So many people report that they get “angry that they are angry.”  Does this sound familiar?  We generally do not judge others as harshly as we judge ourselves.  What reason do you give for others when they get angry?  Try it on for size.

To start, remind yourself that emotions are only a physical sensation in response to an external stimulus – and nothing more.  You have not chosen to feel them. Your brain has been wired to react this way.

Maybe then you can allow yourself to experience life in real time, without struggling or trying to stop it.  We are not giving up, we are opening up.

Next, try to get curious. Notice where you feel the emotion in your body. Does it come and go, in waves? Is it continuous? Just see what it feels like.

That’s all for now.  First track, then change.

2. Scrap-booking

When life is good, treasure it.  Scrapbook it.  Savor it.

What happens when someone pulls out an old picture book and begins retelling the stories which they remember based on the pictures.  Their voice often changes and it really “takes them back”.

But why wait until life a memory to get into it?  Why not enjoy the all the details of the moment in the present?

The next time you find yourself either with those important to you, accomplishing a career success, or living through anything significant, take a moment to stop and mentally report the details of the situation as you would tell them over some 40 years in the future, as if you were looking back.  Tell the story either in your mind, or aloud.

Narrate the year, your age, the age of those around you, and all the nuances which make this moment important and memorable.  In this way, you can scrapbook in the present, instead of in the past.  Bask in your own internal glory, with modest appreciation for all the physical sensations that come with it.

Try doing the same when life feels a little less amazing.  Lean in towards what you are feeling and come into full contact with the experience. Take a moment to write, say, or slowly mentally note what is going on. In this way, the part of you that is hurting gets heard, and will have less need to throw a tantrum later.  Journaling is an especially effective way to do this, and has been proven to increase metacognition and decrease stress associated with trauma (Smyth, 1998).

3. Cold Fruit

What about when emotions are just too overwhelming, and you cannot find any way to calm down?

If you find yourself exacerbated or unable to return to baseline, we have a suggestion for returning to a functional level of emotional regularity:  Place a cold fruit on your forehead or cheekbones.  No, I am not joking.  Try it and see.

Reducing the temperature of your face will slow down your heart rate incredibly quickly, and will hack your brain into literally chilling out.  Others recommend putting your face into ice water (Linehan, 2011), but fruit is much less messy, thereby easier on your hair, makeup, and reputation for staying dry during work hours. This method can also be more easily implemented while in the kitchen, which is where many couples report their emotional dysregulation occurs!

Make a mental note and use this the next time your caught off guard and cannot relax.  No fruit?  Place a cold can of Kombucha (or anything) on your cheekbones.  It will work the same way, but unfortunately without any fruity aromatherapy.

Find this interesting?  Have any questions or comments?  Know anyone who is interested in living a richer, fuller, more meaningful life?  Share the blog and leave a comment below.